I am inclined to focus on the negative side of things.
It annoys me when I do it and annoys me even more when I’m right.
But I’m not always right.
I hear about people who are successful writers and think “that will never happen to me”…and I might be right.
It’s 100% certain that if I don’t edit, re-release and market my books they will not be successful. Nobody is going to stumble on them just snoozing there on my Amazon bookshelf.
Also, if I don’t put together all the blogs I have on writing and living as an expat and make them into a couple of books then they will never be successful either. I can keep on writing blog posts and amusing/annoying all of you but a wider audience will never know about how outstanding I am at distracting myself and what it was like to see a Ghanaian man go past standing in the back of an open truck, playing a trumpet, and being the only person who seemed to notice.
(I’m still half convinced that was a mirage!)
It’s that old saying – nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Sometimes I feel that it’s all too much like hard work. Why should I bother even trying? It’s unlikely I’ll be able to make a decent living out of writing books, that’s just something that happens to other people.
So I try to remind myself that those Other People probably thought the same thing at some point.
The difference is, they did it anyway.
I’m not performing open-heart surgery…I’m writing books. Short, funny, emotional, sad and silly stories of people and places. I’m writing a stream of consciousness and weaving it into a person and a story that didn’t exist before I sat down at my laptop and typed. If what I make doesn’t agree with you then you’re not going to die, and neither will I.
And what if it did work? What if I put in the time and effort and it paid off – literally and emotionally…? Wouldn’t that be something?
Lately, I’ve lost some of the joy of writing. I’m not sure why. A combination of things. Putting too much pressure on myself and fear of failure and general laziness combined with my Olympic-level distraction techniques.
So now I am trying to look at it in a more positive light.
Less – we’re all doomed.
More – just go for it.
I’m trying to be excited and proud of what I do. Having never been comfortable blowing my own trumpet this is going to be hard but the sun is shining here in Seoul and it feels like the right time to let go of all the ‘but-what-if’s’ and just go for it.
A walk with friends, some family time, and then get on with the dreaded editing. Because the book is good enough. I’m good enough.
As a natural pessimist, wish me luck.
And for anyone else feeling like it’s just not worth it. It is. Go drink some water, have a little dance, walk in the sunshine and take that positive energy with you into the writing.
We’ve got this.
(…hey, I’ve almost convinced myself!)
The Reluctant Writer 